A Bunch of Assholes

whom nobody even cares about

2 notes

naphal asked: give me mayano/verise

  • Verise believes that Mayano doesn’t quite get her mean sense of humor and affinity for mildly-to-moderately cruel practical jokes. She only ever once tried to pull a trick on Mayano, who interpreted the setup as a sincere, heartfelt gesture and gushed about how grateful she was until Verise just felt too bad to go through with it. For her part, Yaxche knew exactly what was going down the whole time and decided to have a little fun herself; it’s not that she doesn’t GET Verise’s jokes, it’s just that it’s morale damaging to laugh at her crew.
  • Out of respect for her matesprit, Verise has replaced the crowd-slaying psychic bullet-barrage catch with the more yawn-inducing Alterniaztec Tomb. It’s worth it for Yaxche’s peace of mind, but all canine lusii, trolls with x-ray vision, and accountants are banned from her shows.
  • Verise had Issues about Touching early on, due to a combination of her hemoloyal views and belief that she shouldn’t sully the highblood with her unclean presence, and her general discomfort with being in situations she doesn’t fully control. She got over them fairly quickly and has graduated to spending most of her time draping her lanky-ass self all over Yaxche; the poor blueblood is primarily used as a pillow, seat, or general other thing to snooze on.
  • Mayano calls Verise by all kinds of horribly saccharine, overly twee affectionate pet names in public, mostly because she thinks it’s really cute when the redblood gets all embarrassed. On the sole occasion Verise tried to flip the script, she ended up too embarrassed to get the full ‘honey fluffsheep’ out and had to endure Mayano cooing over her all the rest of the day.
  • They don’t argue about the lifespan discrepancy, but they do have occasional quiet, intense, emotionally charged discussions about it. Mayano thinks life after losing another matesprit would be intolerable and miserable and shitty, Verise thinks it’s horribly selfish to throw away the gift of a longer life that any lowblood would kill for when you could use it to make things better for them. They’re both pretty stubborn about their viewpoints, but are doing their damnedest to make it a moot point by volunteering for all kinds of crazy, dangerous bullshit in hopes of earning an extended life for the redblood from the Condesce.

Filed under parsing_error: class(science_meme) undefined scienceblather

1 note

lucesdraconis asked: they're the ones i don't know shit about, either, if that makes you feel better. i'll get working on some blurbs about them to put em up.

you better, or i’ll keep making up random facts about them and declare them solid canon.


e: emaree has the bust-a-move modus, requiring her to complete a round of puzzle bobble to retrieve any items

e2: tinnik has the braid modus, requiring him to do up his hair in increasingly more complex fashions to store items. they’re retrieved by undoing the braids.

e3: i will seriously do this all day, don’t encourage me

Filed under scienceblather

1 note

lucesdraconis asked: emaree and tinnik

oh so it’s like that huh

pick the ones i don’t know shit about, i’m on to you.

emaree’s gang engages in west side story-esque rumbles, combat-dancing their foes into submission. emaree uses her power in conjunction with truly sick moves to baffle and trap her foes with stunning efficiency, but she dreams of a future in which all dancing is merely recreational instead of a highly ritualized form of violence. it’s basically the worst sci-fi spin-off of the step up films to ever exist.

the real reason tinnik is anon is because he has no blood. if you cut him open, you will discover that he has developed highly specialized hairs to perform all his vital functions, and there is no organ he has not replaced with a fibrous alternative. sadly, his INTENSE ROGAINE TRAINING has only resulted in his being able to control internal hairs; the stuff on his head is regrettably mundane. he pays a psychic lowblood to follow him around and make it appear prehensile, as well as making it flow dramatically in nonexistent wind at appropriate moments.

ps put these jerks up on your troll basics page c’mon

9 notes

naphal:

day 14: Pairing day: draw ship art between any two trolls you have drawn thus far!
coraxe <> ishaza: she brings him out of his hermithood by inviting him out for exciting murder opportunities and he gives her another source of joy in life by teaching her how to blow shit up in the name of science. perfect pale pairing? I THINK SO 
what do you mean that’s not how moirails work. go away

naphal:

  • day 14: Pairing day: draw ship art between any two trolls you have drawn thus far!

coraxe <> ishaza: she brings him out of his hermithood by inviting him out for exciting murder opportunities and he gives her another source of joy in life by teaching her how to blow shit up in the name of science. perfect pale pairing? I THINK SO

what do you mean that’s not how moirails work. go away

moirallegiance: now available for gameboy

(via kaguts)

Filed under ishaza betrug coraxe acipit they argue so much about the scale of their murder schemes (individual vs. planetary) that they never kill anybody it sort of works out moirallegiance: now available for the gameboy

4 notes

This dark season, famed seadwelling chef Molide Acanth has prepared what might be Alternia&#8217;s first competitive cookbook. A number of leaderboards have been set up for the arrangement, based on factors such as speed of preparation, presentation, taste and creativity.
Sources say that the first five trolls to meet as-yet-unknown conditions will earn a spot as guests of honor at one of her notoriously extravagant parties. To help you prepare, we have produced a sneak peek at some of the dishes contained within.
EASY:
Deviled Roc Eggs
Mystery Sauce
Baked Sea Monster
New Alternia 5-38 Couscous
Brownblood&#8217;s Pie
Simple Pastries for the Discerning Drunk
MEDIUM:
Soufflé of Cyanide
Have You Considered Eating A Lowblood? Just Putting That Out There
Empress Crab Tartlets
One Half of a Dragongoose, Roasted (The Left Half)
Gibbering Crocomammoth Gumbo
HARD: 
Bao Yu with Sawbeaked Swiflet Nest
8 Hour Cassoulet
Horse Brains
No, That Wasn&#8217;t A Cute Name For Something Else
Turn Back To The Page About Cooking Horse Brains, I Didn&#8217;t Write It Just For You To Skip Ahead
Difficult Pastries for the Fireproofed Drunk
YOU&#8217;RE JUST GOING TO THROW IT OUT HALFWAY AND ORDER PIZZA GRUB:
Hivemade Mole Poblano
Coulibiac of Seadweller Would You Believe Me If I Said Salmon
Questionable Meat Bourguignon (Lardons &amp; All!)

This dark season, famed seadwelling chef Molide Acanth has prepared what might be Alternia’s first competitive cookbook. A number of leaderboards have been set up for the arrangement, based on factors such as speed of preparation, presentation, taste and creativity.

Sources say that the first five trolls to meet as-yet-unknown conditions will earn a spot as guests of honor at one of her notoriously extravagant parties. To help you prepare, we have produced a sneak peek at some of the dishes contained within.

EASY:

  1. Deviled Roc Eggs
  2. Mystery Sauce
  3. Baked Sea Monster
  4. New Alternia 5-38 Couscous
  5. Brownblood’s Pie
  6. Simple Pastries for the Discerning Drunk

MEDIUM:

  1. Soufflé of Cyanide
  2. Have You Considered Eating A Lowblood? Just Putting That Out There
  3. Empress Crab Tartlets
  4. One Half of a Dragongoose, Roasted (The Left Half)
  5. Gibbering Crocomammoth Gumbo

HARD:

  1. Bao Yu with Sawbeaked Swiflet Nest
  2. 8 Hour Cassoulet
  3. Horse Brains
  4. No, That Wasn’t A Cute Name For Something Else
  5. Turn Back To The Page About Cooking Horse Brains, I Didn’t Write It Just For You To Skip Ahead
  6. Difficult Pastries for the Fireproofed Drunk

YOU’RE JUST GOING TO THROW IT OUT HALFWAY AND ORDER PIZZA GRUB:

  1. Hivemade Mole Poblano
  2. Coulibiac of Seadweller Would You Believe Me If I Said Salmon
  3. Questionable Meat Bourguignon (Lardons & All!)